Much to my dismay, I discovered, sometime earlier this week, that a brand new pair of very professional, immaculate, and brand new black suede Ellen Tracy kitten heel pumps have been lost in transit, somewhere, between the San Francisco and Newark airports. They were purchased specifically for the journey, for the impending business engagements; they were comfortable, versatile, sleek, in a sense very perfect for the functions they were expected to perform. Though I did not pay full price for them, I am still quite distraught at their sudden and tragic disappearance, as I did not have sufficient time to make a full return on investment in wear, and because I have a bit of an obsessive-compulsive disorder behavior pattern when it comes to belongings, how they are organized, catalogued, and whether I can, mentally, maintain a distinct memory of where they are located. Losing articles of clothing, jewelry, books, anything, is a rare occurrence for me, and one which invariably is followed by an onslaught of burdensome and ultimately unwarranted thoughts of where it could have possibly been misplaced, a constant and arduous re-tracing of certain steps in order to find the exact moment of when and how I faltered. Even when my apartment is in cluttered chaos, which it often is, there is an order, an absolute understanding of where and why something lays where it does. In parallel with this anxiety, I have always been concerned about endings, finality, the natural conclusion of either a stage in life, an event, a relationship; this becomes, I suppose, inextricably linked to my concern with the end of a relationship with a tangible item, brought on prematurely by its untimely loss.
While I am disappointed that money spent has now been wasted, through carelessness, or perhaps through causes that can be attributed to the stress and derision that is air travel in our society, I must also relish in the therapeutic pulses this loss can bring. Forget and move on. Right after this lengthy and potentially incoherent diatribe.
(image taken from Shop Style)